His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
