i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
