You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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