Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
