She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
