I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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