I will die if light touches me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
