Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
