and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
