omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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