i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
