if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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