1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
