im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
