I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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