Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
