Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have post one night stand depression
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
