We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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