You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
