Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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