Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
