oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
