The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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