I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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