that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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