my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My vagina is officially offended.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
