worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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