college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
