I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
