if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
