I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
