how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
