I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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