He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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