i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's always time for handjobs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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