Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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