i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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