I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The air was thick with penises
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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