If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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