my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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