she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
