Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
