If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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