I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
