i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
