I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
