Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
