Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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