Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
