i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
