i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
