I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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