He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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