Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
COCAINE IS GR8
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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