He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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